Bigger and Smaller

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I have been a Christian for almost 50 years. Christ himself has become only 32 or 33 years old. How strange. I believe in God almost 20 years longer as Christ himself. But can you just say it so? Is it that what Jesus meant when he said, you will do greater works than I do. (John 14:12)? And though faith is no work but a gift.

I always was disturbed by this statement. And isn’t it said in John: No one has greater love than this, that he lays down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)? Jesus who didn’t fight (“put away your sword” (MT 26:52)) because violence was no option for him.

Is the quote “you will do greater works than I do” just false modesty of Jesus, who serves his ambitious disciples by washing their feet, while they are discussing “who is the greatest among us”? But you can’t talk about “false modesty” at all. Because all standards of society about “bigger and smaller”, “right and wrong” behavior, break down in front of Jesus.

And even the biblical statements are often inconsistent and don’t satisfy our understanding of logic today. It seems that Jesus didn’t care much about logic and rationality. Maybe that’s the reason why we are often blocked in our understanding of some verses. Because they are a matter of heart and not of brain.

Jesus runs like a red thread through the whole bible. He is “the bruised reed” and “the dimly burning wick” (Isaiah 42:3). How fragile and small he is, how small and essential because God is everything to him.

Who does now still want to talk about “bigger and smaller”?

Farewell

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God make your way smooth and easy
as he always does for his angels

God let his sun shine in your tender heart
his love may heal you that you can love your self
you don’t need any other recognition from outside
to love yourself

when you realize this
you will become free

many misunderstandings
finally I understand
do I really do

go on searching for yourself
and you will find a real treasure
I promise

bye bye angel

Water has no bars

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Nobody can walk on water because water has no bars.
If Jesus could walk on water, I don’t know.

Walking on land, leaving your marks there, that is possible.
But what is, if there suddenly is no solid ground under your feet but only water?
Do I dare to go on then?

Only one step, the next step.
The feet are already bloody but only the next step.
And tomorrow another one.

I experience, the water, so life itself, carries me.
Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow – and then the day.