Old Love


an hour ago this thought came into my mind
“you don’t believe in the right way in God anymore”
because I can remember times
in which God seemed to be more present in my life than these days
I was more conscious of God than nowadays
I assume it has something to do with my time
in the last months I have attended a school for further education
where my mind had to be focused on the daily learning
next week I will start an internship for 2 month
so currently my mind is completely busy with normal life

during my studies of theology it was different
all my daily work was about God and bible studies
it was easy to feel “Christian” and “holy” then
but now my relationship with God seemed to  have become
something like a long term relationship of an old couple
where the burning fire of ecstasy of it’s first love has reduced
to a cozy fire in the fireside
still steady burning but without the passion of the first days
but everything has its time and love has different shapes

when I sit in the tram I like to watch people and especially old couples
you can learn a lot from it
once I offered my seat to an old weak man
but he preferred to stand closely besides his sitting woman
because he was so committed to her
another time I saw an old couple
the man sitting adverse to his wife
it was cold outside and he laid his hands on her thighs
“still warm”
he said with a smile
his wife was embarrassed like a teenager
because of his tender approach and blushed

it was so touching and cute to see the little fire of love burning in them
they have lived their whole lives together in good and bad times
maybe they haven’t told each other for a long time “I love you”
but that was not necessary
because they weren’t two souls but one
united by love

our relationship to God is similar
if you are a Christian for a long time you haven’t always to confirm your relationship
because you are insecure
but your oneness with God has become natural
the love between God and you is expressing itself in loving other people

Image of Man

it’s said in the creation myth
God took a rib of Adam to create Eve
it’s not said
God took all the female part away from the man
when I look around in society I see a lot of insecurity
about manhood and womanhood
especially among young men
who confuse coolness and toughness with manhood
afraid of their female side
they are finally afraid of women
unsecure of themselves
and prefer more to hang around with their buddies
to confirm their manhood to each other than to be together with women
unfortunately a lot of men stay underdeveloped their whole lives
and don’t feel very comfortable in the presence of women
they are afraid of their own feelings
because they think
tenderness love vulnerability weakness softness understanding patience
are only female attributes
which don’t fit in their images of manhood as
lonely wolf superman tough guy
but these are old role cliches which are totally obsolete
tenderness love vulnerability weakness softness understanding patience
are no special female attributes
but belong to our attributes as humans
at first it’s about humanness
not about male or female
men long for women
because they assume that they could fill out their lack of emotions
women long for men
because they assume that they could fill out their lack of
sovereignty  toughness stability
or what else you may supposed to be male
but all these assumed to be female or male attributes you have to find in yourself
to become a whole human
female or male is not in the foreground but to be human
man and woman are the same flesh