listen to the blues
healing every bruise
my baby is gone away
has left me tonight
and I feel alright
freedom swings through my day
everything is fading away
at the peek of the pain
and the future tastes blue
I’m on my way
Today I want to tell you something about my life story. More frankly than usually. Maybe it is helpful for you and for the understanding of my texts.
After the death of my parents I had a burnout. I was totally overstrained by my life situation. I had to sell the buildings I possessed after my parents’ death, what wasn’t very easy at that time. For that I had to clean up our big house and I began to develop a negative attitude against possession. And I also tried to finish my studies to become a Protestant pastor. And last but not least I had to deal with my unbearable grief. It was impossible for me to finish my studies due to my lack of concentration. So I decided to travel around the world. I traveled two times to Ireland, six or seven times to Turkey, I was to Greece and finally I was in a meditation center in India. But I couldn’t find any peace. I changed the scenery but I didn’t change in myself and stayed the same as before.
That was the beginning of a process of finding myself which was going on over years. I finally came to myself, when I literally had lost everything. All the possession had become a big burden to me and I had reduced it over the years. I had have over 800 books which had been a weight moving around searching a place to stay. Finally I only had a duffel bag because I planned to go as a social worker to a rice project of friends of mine in Africa. But this plan failed because my body showed allergic reactions against the drug preventing malaria. Cut.
After that I live more oder less withdrawn from society for one year in a tent. That wasn’t always a very comfortable and nice time. But looking back I see this time as crucial to find myself. Thrown back into silence without radio, mobile or Internet and a time without any material security, I lived at that time from donating plasma, I experienced myself in a way I never did before.
And for some of you that may sound strange, I experienced God’s presence in a unique way I seldom had before and after. I also learned to overcome my shame to ask other people for help. And they helped me. Now I have been back again in society for a few years, but I estimate this year in silence and poorness to be the most fruitful time in my whole life.